Derek Fisher Gets In a Time Machine

When V.A.S.T. scientists told him he could play like it was 2001 again, Derek Fisher gladly volunteered for time travel. That's G.

Kobe Bryant Status Update

Hey guys, LeBron James here.

It's been a while since we last spoke, and I wanted to fill everyone in on what's happened since my last appearance. There have been some problems with the Kobe Bryant re-growth program.

As you can see from that picture, Kobe appears to have reverted to about 70% his normal size. V.A.S.T. scientists have assured me that they've encountered this in previous re-growths, and that Kobe should be back to full size in no time. In fact, because his bones didn't stretch so quickly, they'll be stronger due to the prolonged re-growth period.

Thanks for sticking with us through this waiting game. I'll be sure to let you know when Kobe is back to full strength.

Nene Meets Maybyner

Hey.

Who are you?I'm me.You're me? Well, I'm me. Who is you.So I'm you? No. You're you. I'm me. But I'm you too.I hate U2. Me too.

A Few Words from V.A.S.T. CEO LeBron James

Hey America, CEO and co-founder of Variegated Advanced Scientific Technologies, LeBron James here. I just wanted to let you all know that our shrinking experiment has been a great success.

Also, the resizing program is going according to schedule. Mr. Bryant has already returned to 95% of his original size. We anticipate that the process will be completed early next week. Thank you for your support and concern.

Variegated Advanced Scientific Technologies' Shrinking Ray

Hi, I'm LeBron James, basketball player for the Cleveland Cavaliers, MVP of the NBA, but most importantly, CEO and founder of Variegated Advanced Scientific Technologies, V.A.S.T. for short.

For the past three years, V.A.S.T. has championed the advancement of science and technology, and has made many discoveries that will change your life. We've funded private space travel, travelled back and forth in time, and have even implanted hydraulic endoskeletons. And while our successes haven't yet been made public, all that changes today.

That's right. For the first time ever, V.A.S.T. will be performing a public testing of one of our newest products. We've been working on our shrinking ray for about a year now, and after doing some animal testing we've finally perfected the molecular biology that allows us to shrink any object to any size. In fact, that was the easy part. Getting the object back to normal size has been tricky, but we've got that covered too. So let's get this thing fired up.

Since this is such a new technology, we couldn't let our test subject know ahead of time what we'd be doing. However, this is totally safe, and my engineers have informed me that there is little to no chance of any injury. With that in mind, I'd like to present our test subject, Mr. Kobe Bryant.

As you can see in this "before" picture, Kobe fills out his suit quite well. It's perfectly tailored to his body, snug where it should be, but not restrictive. Keep that in mind while I set the V.A.S.T. shrinking ray to 85%. Here we go.

shoots Kobe with ray

Look at that! He's swimming in his clothes! And those headphones look enormous! Clearly, this is another in a long line of successes for V.A.S.T. Since we're not ready to debut our resizing program quite yet, we'll have to take Kobe back to our laboratories. But rest assured, he'll be back to full size in no time.

Thank you everyone for being here. Remember V.A.S.T. isn't just for me, it's for all of us.