A History of Bad Trades Throughout History

Lamar Odom trades the lives of many Trojans for a large horse, explaining "Hey guys, free horse!"

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Dick Rowe chooses to sign Brian Poole and The Tremeloes to a record contract, rather than The Beatles.

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I offer Danny Solecki a Jamal Mashburn/Dino Radja card package for a Grant Hill rookie card. He accepts.

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Cuba Gooding, Jr. willfully utters the line "Hey Michael! I'm wearing your underwear!" and receives several thousand dollars from Hanes. In return, he loses his dignity.

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The Cleveland Cavaliers acquire Shaquille O'Neal.

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Randolph for Jefferson, Two Presidentialish Names Being Traded for One Another is Quite Intriguing

I’m firmly in the pick Greg Oden first camp. I think Durant is a fantastic player and he’s going to be terrific. He and Oden will dominate the NBA for 15 years, and then retire to play chess against each other. However, as it’s been said over and over, big men win championships. Shaq or Duncan have played in every NBA Finals since that one guy retired the second time, and there’s really no reason why big men won’t continue to dominate championships. Even in the college ranks Florida just won two straight titles with what might be the best frontcourt ever. Bigs are important.

That being said, there’s a definite logjam in the Blazers frontcourt. They have Zach Randolph, LaMarcus Aldridge, Joel Przygorilla, the corpse of Jamaal Magloire, Ronald McDonald, Jaws from the James Bond movies, that huge giant from Big Fish, former Benedictine Eagle center Will Crawford, an Amazonian refugee, the Jolly Green Giant, an actual gorilla, and Raef Lafrentz. It’s pretty obvious that someone needs to be moved to make room for Son of Bill Russell. Furthermore, it wouldn’t be a bad idea to pick up a wing guy who is good at playing basketball (the whole basis for the Draft Durant movement). Currently, the vaunted triumvirate of Darius Miles, Fred Jones, and Martell Webster has been slow to impress precisely because they are Darius Miles, Fred Jones, and Martell Webster.

Thankfully, there is hope. As a blog reader, you may have heard that Zach Randolph is sort of available. By available I mean that the Trailblazers front office is considering taking him to his favorite strip club, saying they have to go to the bathroom, and sneaking out and not returning his calls. I’m not entirely sure this is true, but if I heard it on the internet it must be true. Of course, if they can pull off this tricky maneuver, they’d still have his fat contract on their salary cap, so why not just trade him instead. Perhaps to New Jersey for Richard Jefferson? According to the trade machine it works, plus both teams are trading players who look like dinosaurs from Jurassic Park; something that I think is covered in the collective bargaining agreement.

If that happens, New Jersey has a lineup looking like this:

Jason Kidd
Vince Carter
Boston Nachobar
Zach Randolph
Nenad Krstic

If they resign Mikki Moore, they have a solid bench with him, Marcus Williams, Josh Boone, Jason Collins, and whatever human they draft with the 17th pick (Thaddeus Young, perhaps). In the abysmal Eastern Conference, that’s a team that could compete with the Bulls, Cavs, Pistons, and Heat.

If I’m the Blazers (and I do drive a Trailblazer), I’m trying my best to figure out how to build around Oden, Aldridge, and Brandon Roy. That’s a nucleus that will be upper-echelon for a long time.

FREE GARNETT

At least Kevin Garnett had the common sense to realize that playing for the Celtics would have been awesome 20 years ago. But now? The Celtics are brutality. After the trade, they’d have had Pierce, KG, and a bunch of mutants. Not a good look. So KG now says he wants to go to Phoenix. Really? You want to play for a great team with the best point in the L? Shocking.

I was legitimately obsessed with the Suns during the season, and they’re the second most fun team to watch in the L. However, they’re being idiots and trying to swing a trade where they can keep STAT instead of the Matrix, under the auspices that they don’t want to jeopardize their future. But I really can’t see why you wouldn’t trade Stoudemire, Boris the Spider, and Marcus Banks for Garnett. They’d be left with a rotation like this:

Steve Nash
Raja Bell
Shawn Marion
Kevin Garnett
Kurt Thomas

Bench: Leandrinho, James Jones, Jumaine Jones, Jalen Rose, whoever you get with 24 and 29

That’s a team that can beat the Spurs. You have both Garnett and Thomas who can guard Duncan. You have both Marion and Raja who can stick Tonay Parcare. You have 2 young players who will either develop or can be moved for pieces. That gives you a very real shot at a championship, and you’re not totally throwing away the future. Steve Nash isn’t getting any younger, and his back isn’t turning from papyrus into steel. He’s got about 3 years left before he deteriorates, so you have to make moves now that will help you win while you can.

As for the Timberwolves, if you make this trade you have a solid nucleus for rebuilding. A quick look at their adjusted roster:

Randy Foye
Ricky Davis
Julian Wright (#7 pick)
Amare Stoudemire
Mark Blount

Bench: Juwan Howard, Boris Diaw, Trenton Hassell, Craig Smith, Marcus Banks

Not only is that team far better than last year’s Garnett-led atrocity, there is also room for growth. Diaw is great off the bench and gives you tons of versatility. And say Phoenix’s number 1 for next year (from Atlanta) gets thrown in, then you get another good draft pick and you’re finally on your way towards respectability.

It’s obvious that KG is gone this summer. If I’m Steve Kerr, not only am I trying to put my stamp on the franchise, I’m also trying to win a title while I have Steve Nash running the show. Here’s hoping that something awesome comes of all these rumors.