What Your Favorite NBA Player Says About You

With the NBA season fast approaching, the Blowtorch presents a brief and incomplete guide to some of the various fans seen around the league.

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Kobe Bryant: You appreciate greatness and won't take no for an answer. You also are likely a control freak and won't stand for incompetence around you. When push comes to shove, you know that if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself.

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Shaquille O'neal: You haven't watched the NBA in 6 years.

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Tim Duncan: Not only do you value fundamentals above style and personality, you also feel that winning is the most fun you can have. Your wardrobe consists of dark dress pants and white or blue shirts. Your favorite food is peanut butter and grape jelly, but when you're feeling a little bit crazy, you'll switch to strawberry jam.

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Steve Nash: You value creativity, imaginative play, selflessness, and artistic basketball. Also, you are white.

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Gilbert Arenas: You read basketball blogs.

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Lebron James: You know you're destined for great things because people have been telling you so for years. You feel that you've been trapped in a familiar place for so long that you can't wait to experience what other places have to offer.

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Kevin Garnett: Similar to the Lebron James Fan. For years you have been trapped in a going nowhere situation but your loyalty has paid off. Now you're somewhere where great things can happen! Beware Kevin Garnett Fan for the Allen Iverson Fan was right where you are a short time ago.

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Allen Iverson: The Allen Iverson Fan has come to realize that things aren't ever as good or bad as they seem. The AI Fan knows that sooner or later, the public will come to accept you even if they don't understand you. It should also be noted that the Allen Iverson Fan looks silly in baby blue.

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Dwyane Wade: The Dwyane Wade Fan avoids conflict at all costs; because, really, who doesn't like Dwyane Wade at least a little bit? The Dwyane Wade Fan refuses to use spell check.

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Carmelo Anthony: You're true to the streets. You're not going to rat on your friends. You value scoring above all else and you're a HUGE fan of TRL.

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Dirk Nowitski: You, Dirk Nowitski Fan, are quite the frustration. You do a wonderful job throughout a task, but when it comes to completion, you're nowhere to be found. Nonetheless, you're a pretty funny person even though you aren't necessarily trying. The Dirk Nowitski Fan can often be found with the Steve Nash Fan, resulting in wonderful pictures.

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Anyone on the Knicks: You're a glutton for punishment and probably have a lot of misguided anger. It's also highly likely that you do not manage money very well.