A Tribute to Penny Hardaway's Feet

I think you can make a serious argument that Penny Hardaway's signature shoes were on par with Jordan's from the late 90s. That's when Nike really started experimenting with new materials, and the results are stunning.

Everyone already knows all about the Jordans, but I'd like to have a look at Penny's kicks.

1995

Nike Air Up High

These weren't technically Penny's shoes, but he wore them for a while. I don't love them, but they were definitely part of Nike's "squiggly" stage (see the first Pippen's). They look very 90s, and they're alright I suppose.

Nike Air Penny

The first Hardaway signature shoe is gorgeous. I'm a sucker for dark shoes with a white midsole. Plus these were the first shoes to have the 1 Cent logo, which was pretty brilliant.

1996

Nike Air Penny II

I love this shoe. These are easily in my top 10 basketball shoes of all time. I won an 8th grade fre-throw contest in these, and these might be the most comfortable shoe I ever played in. Thankfully, these are being re-released this year.

Nike Air Flight 96

Another of the squiggly Nikes. This was a pretty good-looking shoe, but I remember it being stiff to wear. Love the ice bottom though.

1997

Nike Foamposite

This was a revolutionary shoe made from the sharkskin. The sharkskin part probably isn't true, but this shoe was out of this world. There was a kid named Roy Alexander III (and, yes, he used "the third") who was on my freshman football team that used to wear these to practice. These retailed for $199.99; he wasn't the wisest kid.

Nike Air Penny III

I don't like these, but I suppose they play off the Foamposite + squiggly theme. A little too garish for my tastes. Which are impeccable.

1998

Nike Air Penny IV

That's better. Back to simplicity. As far as I can tell, these are Penny's last signature shoes. Maybe it's because he left the Magic after this season, or maybe it's because his legs started exploding, but I can't find any other Pennys. This is a really good way to go out though. Not too squiggly, not too over-designed. Just a nice looking shoe.

Timeline via The Shoe Game

Pictures via Pick Your Shoes

This Might Be a Problem

Some stats for your consideration:

2004-2005 season

NBA 3 pt. % average: .356

Suns rank: 1

Players at or above league average: 7

2005-2006 season
NBA 3 pt. % average: .358
Suns rank: 1
Players at or above league average: 6

2006-2007 season

NBA 3 pt. % average: .358

Suns rank: 1

Players at or above league average: 6

2007-2008 season

NBA 3 pt. % average: .359

Suns rank: 4

Players at or above league average: 3

I had some analysis that Blogger ate, but basically it boiled down to the fact that Raja Bell isn't the ideal third shooter. This team is doomed, and that bums me out.

Overheard: Kirk Hinrich's Ejection

Whistle blows.

That’s some malarkey right there, chief. I ain’t foul ‘im. Ya know I ain't foul 'im. Just givin' 'im a little a that backwoods lovin'. Got some for you too, sir.

First technical.

C’mon, man. That ain’t right. That’s just some Sioux City talk, sir. Matter a fact, come down to SC and I’ll show ya round. Catch us some catfish and fry it up, Mama Hinrich style.

Ref: I’m not a huge catfish fan.

What? You ain’t like catfish? That’s crazy. You just ain’t never had some REAL catfish. Iowa catfish the finest in the US of A. I even take the bones out for ya.

Ref: Catfish really grosses me out.

You kiddin’ me? Catfish the state fish o’ Iowa. Ya ain’t be disrespectin’ Iowa now, are ya? I don’t wanna hafta be getting’ my fillet knife now. Catfish serious business where I’m from. If you ain’t eat the catfish, you be sleepin’ with them catfish soon enough. That’s guaranteed.

Second technical. Ejected.

A Public Service Announcement to the City of Chicago

Hide your women and children. Your hair clippers should be okay though.

Things to Yell at Larry Hughes, Now That He's in Chicago

At first, I was pretty upset that I had to share a state with Larry Hughes. He is without a doubt my least favorite player in the history of the NBA. However, I quickly realized that I now get to heckle Larry Hughes! Howie and I have started a short list of insults that would be perfect to yell at Larry Hughes from the stands of the United Center.

Howie: "Hey Larry Hughes! Your shot's so bad, YOU SHOT LIKE LARRY HUGHES AHHAHAHAHAHAHAH"
me: LARRY HUGES YOU OWE ME 11 DOLLARS
Howie: LARRY HUGHES MY CLOCK DOESN'T WORK, IT'S PROBABLY YOUR FAULT
me: THAT NELLY SONG SUCKED LARRY HUGHES
Howie: JOHN HUGHES IS ASHAMED HE SHARES THE SAME LAST NAME AS YOU
me: DOES AND1 EVEN GIVE YOU FREE SHOES ANYMORE?????
Howie: OMG THAT EPISODE OF LOST WAS AMAZING! IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU, BUT I JUST THOUGHT YOU SHOULD KNOW MY FEELINGS TOWARDS THAT SHOW
me: LARRY HUGHES, DON'T RUIN LOST FOR ME
Howie: PSSST! HEY LARRY HUGHES, COME OVER HERE.. YEAH, HERE!! OH, NOTHING, I JUST WANTED YOU TO BE AWAY FROM THE ACTION THUS NEGATING A CHANCE FOR YOU TO PUT UP A BAD SHOT!!!
me: LAWRENCE HUGHES, WHAT IS MITTELOS BIOSCIENCE????

Howie: YO LH! I CAN TOTALLY D YOU UP BY JUST SITTING HERE, BURN!
me: LEBRON HATES YOU AND YOUR SMALL HEAD

Please, add your suggestions below.

You're Not Fooling Anyone, Sasha Vujacic

C'mon, Sasha. I've seen Steve Nash. You sir, are no Steve Nash.

Random Fact - Danny Ainge, pt. 10

Did you know that Danny Ainge is the founder of The Hat Club? Started while still a member of the Phoenix Suns, Ainge started The Hat Club as a nod to his favorite literary character, the Mad Hatter. Eventually, Ainge would go on to sell the company and have Robert Horry throw a towel in his face.

I'M BACK

Yeaaaaaaah, boooooyyyy. KVH back up in this mug! I know all y'all been tryin' a play me off like I was washed up, but I'm a hit you with sumtin' real new. I'm talking shot fakes. I'm talking pass fakes. I'm talking dribble fakes. You ain't even heard of dribble fakes, b.

DRIBBLE FAKES!

KVH the Remix: Back to the Swamp. Can't stop, won't stop.

This is seriously the best birthday gift ever. Keith Van Horn is back!

Update: the Blowtorch has obtained Keith Van Horn's faxed notification of his return.

An Open Letter to the Guy Who Elbowed Me in the Face Last Night

Dear Tall Guy with a Mustache and a Mouthguard,

Thanks so much for elbowing me in the face the day before my birthday. A black eye and sizeable lump is the perfect accessory to a shawl-neck cardigan. I appreciate your gift very much.

I think it’s awesome that you care so much about winning a church league that you would throw elbows the entire game. Furthermore, I’m honored that you would elbow me in the face (and the back, and the neck, and the shoulders) as a sort of repayment for scoring 20 on you. It was almost as flattering as when your team switched you off of me because I was scoring so often.

However, my lady wasn’t too thrilled when I told her I would be sporting a face bruise for the near future. She understands that I’m a baller, but these injuries are getting ridiculous. I’m only 24! Based on family history, I was expecting to get hurt all the time when I turned 50.

I also thought it was pretty cool when you told our team to “stop whining” after we asked the ref a question. We really needed your even-keeled advice; you did hit that one jump shot in the first half.

Lastly, I know that if I would have stopped whining I wouldn’t have had to knock you on the ground in the last minute of the game. So I’m sorry for that. Well, not really. You pretty much deserved it.

Xoxoxo,

Goathair

Bad Decisions in My Basketball Life, part 1

Back in ’96, Grant Hill was the new hotness. He’d won rookie of the year two seasons prior and was coming off his first All-NBA selection, a year in which he also had his first signature shoe. Grant Hill was on the way to becoming the next big thing in the NBA, and with that, a marketing force.

You’ve got to remember that back in the day, Fila wasn’t the joke that they are today. Not only did they have endorsement deals with Hill, but also Jerry Stackhouse, Barry Bonds, and Sammy Sosa. I had the first Grant Hill shoe. I had a red Pistons Hill alternate. I drank Sprite regularly. Needless to say, when the new Grant Hills came out, I was going to have them.

At that same time, Nike was preparing to release the Best Basketball Shoe Ever Created – the Air Jordan XI. Let’s take a second to enjoy how fantastic these shoes really are:Besides the fact that the new Jordans were amazing looking, they also had purple accents and my school colors were purple and white. Believe me, finding shoes with purple on them that looked decent was nearly impossible. These were pretty much the ideal shoe for someone in my situation. So, of course, I had my mom get me the Grant Hills.

It was a decision that haunted me for at least 4 years. I had a mom willing to drop serious cash on some shoes for a barely A-team 8th grader and I picked the stupid Grant Hills. They were good shoes, but in no way were they legendary. However, in the year 2000, Nike saved me from myself by retro-ing the Jordan XI’s in the original white/black/purple colorway. I didn’t make the same mistake. I called the night before the release, reserved a pair, and then took the day off school to get the Best Basketball Shoe Ever Created. That season I sported the XI’s (except for one game in orange Dunks), a huge Bill Walton fro or cornrows, and a headband on my way to becoming that year’s Most Improved Player1. I’m not saying it was the shoes, but it was probably the shoes.

1. Seriously. I looked pretty ridiculous my senior year of high school. I have a picture that will be unearthed soon.

The Devolution of Jason Williams

Setting: Pat Riley’s office, the day after the Shaq/Shawn Marion trade

Pat Riley: Jason, come here.

Jason Williams: Yes, sir. Sure thing, sir.

Williams enters the room and sits down, folding his hands in his lap.

What is it Mr. Riley?

PR: I doubt you’ve heard it yet, but we just traded Shaquille for Shawn Marion.

JW: Is that so?

Williams twitches.

PR: You bet. Shaq just flew down to Phoenix, and if he passes his physical, we’re getting Shawn Marion and Marcus Banks.

JW: continues twitching in a slightly more exaggerated manner

Wow. That’s off the hook, b! …. I mean, that’s great news, sir.

Williams begins jerking his head from right to left vigorously.

PR: Now Jason, we know you used to be a flashy guy, but we don’t want that coming back do we? You’ve been so steady for us. Just because Shawn is used to running and gunning, doesn’t mean that we’re changing our strategy.

JW: visibly bothered, Williams begins shaking.

No…not at all…must be mediocre.

PR: Are you sure you understand we need you to be the same guy you’ve been for us? Nothing you’d see on that And-1 stuff, or whatever it’s called.

JW: freaking out, rolling on ground.

What….ever….you…..UHHHH.

Williams stands up, head cocked, and lips pursed.
What up, Riles?

PR: Oh, no.

JW: You can’t hold me down, homie. You can’t step to Whit Eboy. Don’t front. I’ve got handles for days and dimes for years. Holla if you hear me.

PR: I thought this was cured.

JW: Ain’t nothing cured, son. I’m for real. I’m SO for real. I’ll be BALLIN now, P. Straight ballin’. This is the original. None better. White Chocolate, tall cheddar.

PR: Get Hubie Brown on the phone.

JW: Old man can’t touch me! You must be joking, Riles. You can’t contain this.

Williams begins pounding chest.

Elbow passes, holmes. EL-BOW PASS-ES.

PR: GET HUBIE BROWN ON THE PHONE!!!

Great News

Reebok is re-issuing Dee Brown's dunk contest shoes. I want them badly, but in the mean time, I'll be bidding on these gems.

A Letter from Boris Diaw to Shawn Marion

E’ Shawn Mare-ee-own, E’

I take-a yo’ shots, and I make-a yo’ shots. A ze Suns, a we-a don’ need-a you no mo. We gotta ze Shack-wheel, and-a ze Nawsh, ze Am-air-ee, and mos’ eem-por-tanlee, ze BORIS.

Ze Boris is ‘eer. No need-a to worry, about-a ze Phoenix Suns. I’m a gonna make-a you all forget about ze Shawn Mare-ee-own. ‘E a leetle poonk. (Ees-a zat how you say “Pee-Ooh-En-Kay?”)

I get-a yo’ shots. I get-a yo’ weebounz. I get-a yo’ wee-mens.

Zahnk you,

BORIS DIAW

Maybe Shaq Just Wants to Wear Purple Again

Grizzlies Plan First “Busts and Boobies” Lineup

Memphis, TN – After Friday’s blockbuster trade, Memphis Grizzlies coach Mark Iavaroni has been tinkering with the idea of playing his three young point guards with his two colossal failures.

Said Iavaroni, “I really think that if we can get Kwame (Brown) and Darko (Milicic) on the floor together, it will help people understand that these young guys we have now are pretty good by comparison.”

Acquired from the Los Angeles Lakers, Brown is widely considered to be the worst number one draft pick in NBA history. Originally drafted by the Washington Wizards, Brown was an immediate disappointment and was quickly shipped to the Lakers in exchange for Caron Butler and others. Nonetheless, Brown parlayed his athleticism and size in to a sizeable contract – one that Grizzlies will be all to happy to rid themselves of this off-season.

Iavaroni said, “Kwame’s been quite the disappointment around the league. We don’t expect that to change, but we’ve had Darko half the season, so we think we’re prepared.”

Milicic, a forward from Serbia, was drafted by the Pistons ahead of Carmelo Anthony, Dwyane Wade, and Chris Bosh. After sitting on the bench for a little more than 2 years, Darko was traded to the Magic where he failed to live up to expectations. This summer, Milicic was signed by the Grizzlies as a complement to the recently departed Pau Gasol.

Also acquired in the Gasol trade was rookie point guard Javaris Crittenton. A rookie from Georgia Tech University, Crittenton joins Kyle Lowry and Mike Conley, Jr. as the third point guard on the roster with less than a full year of NBA experience.

Though unorthodox to play three point guards and two centers, Iavaroni feels that the contrast in talent between the guards and centers will showcase just how good the youngsters can be.

“The way I figure,” said Iavaroni, “we’ve got nothing to lose. We’re barely better than the Knicks. Why not lose a few more games and draft Michael Beasley?”

Miami Can't Catch a Break

Seen in last night's Coca-Cola "Republicans and Democrats are Friends!" commercial (about 50 seconds in, after the "Arenas" game-winner):